Monthly Archives: January 2013

Wine in a Baptist Church

One for me, One for Me!Well, not really!  But this Sunday at Providence we will be looking at the first miracle Jesus does in John’s gospel–changing water to wine.  Or Welch’s grape juice as many of us were taught!

And why?  Because we know wine is of Satan!  True!  I found this Jewish Midrash (a story about scripture) that won’t make the sermon, but could have been written by some of my Baptist brethren!

Hope you enjoy it–along with a good glass of wine!

Once while Noah was hard at work, breaking the ground for a vineyard, Satan drew near and inquired what he was doing, “What are you planting?”

Noah: “A vineyard.”

Satan: “And what may be the qualities of its fruit?”

Noah: “The fruit it bears is sweet, be it dry or moist. It yields wine that gladdens the heart of man.”

Satan: “Let us go into partnership in this business of planting a vineyard.”

Noah: “Agreed.”
Satan thereupon slaughtered a lamb and then in succession a lion, a pig and monkey, and fertilized the soil with each in turn. Thus Satan conveyed to Noah the qualities of wine. If a man drinks one glass, he is as meek as a lamb; if he drinks two glasses, he is boastful and feels as strong as a lion; if he drinks three or four glasses, then behaves like a monkey, he dances around, sings, talks obscenely and does not know what he is doing; and if he becomes intoxicated, he resembles the pig.”


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Epiphany Humor

Working on my sermon for Sunday about the Wise Men.   For a long time I thought I would use this story as the beginning, and we will see if I should have stuck with that idea, but before it falls into the trash folder I thought I would share it here.  It is the obligatory “If the Wise Men Had Been Women” joke:

What would have happened if it had been three Wise Women instead of three Wise Men? 

They would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, and brought practical gifts. 

But what they would have said when they left…? 

“Did you see the sandals Mary was wearing with that gown?” 
“That baby doesn’t look anything like Joseph!”
“Virgin? Yeah!  I knew her in school!” 
“Can you believe that they let all of those disgusting animals in the house?” 
“I heard that Joseph isn’t even working right now!” 
“And that donkey that they are riding has seen better days too!” 
“Want to bet on how long it will take until you get your casserole dish back?” 

It won’t make the sermon (at least I don’t think so) but you will tell it!

wise women

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